Instead of just saying , “ They need to change ,” you can step up and lead . You can choose to build a rock-solid relationship with them , to put them first so that they want to do the same thing for you .
When you ’ re saying , “ My partner needs to do this ,” there ’ s no doubt about it . You ’ re seeing the relationship as You vs . Them . And when you do that , there is no winner . It ’ s the path to a lose / lose , every single time .
WE CAN ’ T SOLVE IT FOR YOU
There are plenty of reasons why our partner doesn ’ t respond the way we want them to .
● Maybe we don ’ t have rapport with our partner .
● Maybe they feel judgment from us .
● Maybe they ’ re pushing back in response to us .
● Or maybe we don ’ t have the skill set to articulate what we want to say in a way where they can hear it .
So , when someone says , “ I need my partner to listen to Paul and Stacey ,” they are really saying that they have reached the end of their skill set .
But guess what ? That ’ s not the way it works . We ’ re not in your relationship . You don ’ t need us to do this with your partner . You just need to extend your skill set . We can give you the tools , but you have to go to the toolbox and get them out and use them .
STOP MAKING YOUR PARTNER WRONG
We have to snap ourselves out of thinking that our partner is wrong for what they ’ re doing . They ’ re just doing what they ’ re doing , right ? They ’ re not out to hurt us . They just hit the end of their skill set .
If they ’ re putting their family of origin first , you can either dig in your heels and put the blame on them , or you can take a step back and realize that they need your help . Nobody ever taught them how to break out of that thinking , right ?
Instead of just saying , “ They need to change ,” you can step up and lead . You can choose to build a rock-solid relationship with them , to put them first so that they want to do the same thing for you .