If you ’ re anything like me , you may simply want to weed whack the crap out of these strong emotions and just be done with them . In reality , tending to them lovingly , with gentle pruning and better habits , is a far more productive and sustainable path , helping you rewire your brain , set yourself free from your unconscious ( or semiconscious ) addiction to fear and worry , and enjoy a bigger , fuller life .

According to psychiatrist Kristy Lamb , if we don ’ t allow emotions like anger or grief to be felt , it ’ s easy for them to morph into anxiety , fear , and even depression . The energy needs to go somewhere . It needs to be discharged somehow . ( And if you ’ ve ever had a full-blown meltdown over something ridiculous , like a ketchup stain on your favorite sweatshirt , you know what I ’ m talking about .)

Just the way you have a stress response ( sympathetic nervous system ), you also have a relaxation response ( parasympathetic nervous system ). When your breathing becomes rapid , shallow , or restricted , your stress response kicks in and your anxiety increases . One of the fastest ways to activate your relaxation response is through breathwork . Conscious breathing is like having a built-in stress-release valve . The easiest way to pull this valve is to make your exhalations longer than your inhalations .

Inhale for four counts . Exhale for six to eight counts . Repeat this three times ( or as much as needed ). Our breath is central to every aspect of our well-being , yet we often overlook its power . In times of fear , grief , pain , trauma , depression , and so on , let your breath serve as the lifeline it ’ s designed to be .

Name it . Are your heart palpitations an indicator of fear ? ( They come on in a flash and have a beginning , middle , and end .) Or is it more like anxiety , worry , or rumination about something that may or may not happen ? This next suggestion might sound silly , but it always helps me . Once you ’ ve identified the emotion , connect with it . “ Hey , anxiety . . . Hey , sadness . . . you ’ re OK .” Greeting and soothing our emotions reminds us that our feelings are friends , not enemies .

Remember , feelings aren ’ t good or bad ; they ’ re information . They help us know how to respond in different situations . Your feelings have a right to take up space . There ’ s nothing wrong with them or with you . They deserve to be seen without having to be fixed , justified , or controlled . They ’ re OK , and so are you .

WISDOM & SELF-GROWTH