Aug/Sept 2024 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 82

I , on the other hand , am a giant talker . In the beginning of our relationship this difference in our wiring caused a lot of kerfuffles . Because I didn ’ t understand the difference in our wiring , I would try to find ways to get him to talk more .

I would run through the scale of nicely trying to engage him in conversation , then hinting that I would love to hear more . Then I would tell him that I needed him to share with me . Eventually I would start making snide comments about how “ if he would just SAY something ”. Until finally we were either arguing or silent about it .

All those old broken tactics break down a relationship .

The solution is not to try to get him to be more like me . Nor is it for me to try to be more like him . The solution is to use a skill set to interact with him for how he is wired , to create more harmony .

First , it ’ s understanding that there is a genuine difference in how we are wired .

Second , it ’ s about accepting that this difference is real and that doesn ’ t mean that one is better and one is worse . Just because we are different doesn ’ t mean that one is superior and the other inferior .

Third is about taking personal responsibility for my own discomfort and solving it , instead of trying to get someone or something outside of me to solve something INSIDE of me .

The truth is that I was the one who used the vehicle of “ talking ” to meet my need for connection . That ’ s a choice . There are a million ways to FEEL connected . Talking wasn ’ t the only way .