argument or an even colder shoulder , the love you remember slips further and further away as doubts about how much longer you can live this way grow louder and louder in your mind .

Feeling the love fade is SUCH a common relationship problem that most people think “ the love fading ” is the problem . But it ’ s not !

A loveless marriage is actually a symptom of a relationship problem that is still UNSOLVED . It is not caused by you , your partner , or the two of you together .

And it ’ s not even because you changed , or they changed , or that one of you has stopped loving the other because somebody changed .

What ’ s actually going on when love fades over time is what Paul and I call the brick wall between you and your long-term committed love partner .

Think of the brick wall like this ….

Each time you and your partner have an upset , kerfuffle or pain that goes unresolved , it ’ s like you put a brick down onto the wall between you and your partner .

In a long-term , committed love relationship , those unresolved “ bricks ” keep stacking . Sometimes it ’ s a disappointment or hurt feelings , and a brick goes in the wall . Sometimes a fight comes out of nowhere , like a whirlwind , and five bricks go into the wall !

The point is , that wall gets higher and higher and higher , until one day you look over at your partner and you don ’ t even see them anymore . You don ’ t feel them anymore . You don ’ t know who they are anymore . All you feel is the love you USED to have , and all you see are the bricks in the brick wall between you , each one is a memory of an unsolved pain or upset .