RELATIONSHIPS

There ’ s the man who feels like he ’ d probably be doing his wife a favor by cutting her loose , because these days she only ever looks at him with disappointment .

There ’ s the person going through a lifephase change ( like the kids moving out ) who wonders what it will be like when it ’ s “ just us ” with no “ buffer ” from the kids .

As much as we might try to push these fearful thoughts to the back of our mind , they keep creeping in , because it used to be so loving when you first got together , and it ’ s hard not to notice how far things have fallen .

Back then you felt SO loved when their eyes lit up as you walked in the room . You knew they had your back . They would champion you to win , and you felt like you could do anything .

Back then , they were overjoyed to be with you . They would ask you to do all kinds of stuff with them , from a day trip to the beach to joining them for a work thing .

But now ? Now you dread being around them because all you see is a look of disdain or an eye roll ( if they look at you at all ).

Now you ’ re tiptoeing on eggshells because anything you say might erupt into an argument , criticism , or contempt .

And instead of feeling unstoppable , you second guess everything you do , afraid if it will set them off .

You ’ re exhausting yourself trying to figure out HOW to say or do ANYTHING in a way that won ’ t create backlash from them , but it ’ s no use . The bottom line is that you just don ’ t feel loved like you used to . The pain of missing that love you used to feel , and see , and hear … some days it ’ s absolutely unbearable , and you can ’ t help but ask yourself , “ How much longer can I really do this ?”

If you ’ re anything like our students , you WANT to do the right thing . You WANT to keep your family together . You DON ’ T want to put your kids through the trauma and heartbreak of a divorce .

At the same time , how much longer can you stand to live in this misery of a loveless marriage ?

A loveless marriage is not the problem .

Tactics like planning a date night , trying to talk it out , couple ’ s therapy , doing things that used to work , and asking friends and family for advice all seem like they should help .

But when none of these outdated , broken tactics work , and instead backfire into an