discovered the porcupines during a deck remodeling project we began one June . The construction was scheduled to finish well in advance of our annual July 4 barbecue , but as so often with construction projects , the crew was running behind .

Everything was finished except for the railings . Several neighbors and friends were scheduled to join us for burgers and a makeyour-own ice cream sundae bar . The finishing touches were ready on serving platters , it was time to invite everyone outdoors to enjoy the food . For some reason , the guests stopped just inches from the back door , palpably anxious and hesitant about being outside . Although the deck had plenty of safe space away from the edges , people felt unsafe without the railings in place . Without barriers and guardrails , the spacious deck was useless . Instead of enjoying the deck , people kept their distance . Have you ever felt like people distance themselves from you ? Have you ever stayed away from someone else who you wanted to be close with , but a lack of boundaries kept you from pressing in ? This experience is common when we fail to set and keep boundaries in relationships . Sticking with the construction analogy , consider grabbing a tape measure as a tool to help begin the process .

A tape measure is helpful when measuring and marking boundaries in construction projects . In relationships , it is our metaphor for defining boundaries . We have defined four categories of boundaries , or limits , that you can remember with the acronym TAPE :

Time limits : How much time are you willing to commit to different relationships ?

Auditory limits : What are you willing to listen to ?

Physical limits : How do you define your personal space ? Who is allowed to access it , and in what ways ?

Emotional limits : How do you establish emotional safety in relationships ?

To be able to offer our time generously in significant relationships , we must be intentional and disciplined about how we use it . Time is a precious commodity , and lacking boundaries around how we spend our time can increase stress and frustration with others . To avoid time-limit breakers in your relationships :

1 . Include time in your schedule to allow for delays .

2 . Schedule things to the nearest ten minutes rather than the nearest minute .

3 . Be clear about the limits on your time : for example , at an evening meeting ,

RELATIONSHIPS