adventures . We feel deep stirrings . But do we always act on them ? Do we pursue these inner urgings to change ? More often than not , we don ’ t . And more often than not we don ’ t even know why .
I remember Louise , a client who came to me soon after she had gotten her real estate sales license . Despite the beautiful spring day , she was dressed somberly in grey slacks and a black jacket . For years she ’ d worked quietly as a clerk in her county ’ s administrative offices until she discovered she had a love for houses , a flare for sales and an easy ability to work with people . She was excited about her new career . But she felt intimidated by her female associates , all of whom dressed in an upscale manner and drove late model cars . “ I bought a few new clothes ,” she gestured to her uninspiring outfit . “ And I know I should get a newer car . But it all feels wrong . I ’ m freaking out and I don ’ t know why . It ’ s just so stupid !”
It ’ s not like she came from a poor background . An only child from a solid middle class family , she ’ d gone to good schools and had never wanted for anything … except , as it turned out , anything fashionable or colorful . Her mother , a nurse whom she desperately admired , never wore makeup . She had shopped for drab , unfashionable clothes for herself and Louise at bargain basements and Goodwill . Even Louise ’ s bike , which she rode to school for years , was old and ugly when she got it . “ I remember when I was twelve I wanted a bright red bike with a white basket for Christmas .” She sighed unhappily . “ I got a boy ’ s used brown Schwinn .”
When Louise told me she couldn ’ t remember her mother ’ s mother wearing anything but black or dark brown , it became obvious there was a family pattern of the women being extremely modest and self-effacing . As we drilled down , a light bulb finally went off for Louise . “ Oh , my God !” she exclaimed . “ I remember there was a picture of Grandma taken in Paris right before World War II . She had pink cheeks and was wearing this beautiful pink dress with a pink bow in her hair and she looked so happy .”
“ What happened to her ?” I asked .
Louise blushed and ducked her head . “ I forgot because it was never talked about . But she was raped by a German soldier . My mom was born nine months later and after the war the family moved here to America .”
And there it was . All of her life Louise had lived in the shadow of that rape . Driven by concern for her safety , her grandmother had taught her daughter to never call attention to herself by wearing colorful things — to never look pretty or make a statement with her cars , clothes or makeup . Louise ’ s mother , in unconscious loyalty to her mother , raised Louise the same way . Now Louise , in unconscious loyalty to her mother , was doing the same thing . Almost 70 years after the fateful rape of her grandmother , she was dressing like a church mouse , torturing herself with anxiety over buying new clothes , upscaling her image and investing in a new car .
Once she saw the pattern and understood the unconscious ancestral program that was limiting her , Louise was able to make changes . She realized her fear wasn ’ t hers . She also realized it was okay to make other choices and that in doing so she would not be disrespecting her mother — something that was very important to her . The last time I saw her she was still dressed conservatively , but smartly , wearing a little makeup and a big smile as she proudly showed off her new car — a deep burgundy sedan . “ It ’ s not exactly red ,” she said . “ But I ’ m getting there !”
INTERNAL SPRING CLEANING TIPS
So , what excites you this spring ? What inner prompting for change is stirring ? Does
HEALTH & WELLNESS
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